Picture this; I was wearing an old CABBA( African-house dress) and about five months pregnant; I had been crying all night, I hadn't sipped water in over 10 hours, my baby was in distress, and I felt nauseous. I asked him to leave before for a few days and then a week in the hopes that time apart would heal the broken trust, unfaithfulness, dishonesty, all of it, but it did not. This time the ache in my stomach was a sign of the end. I knew there was no coming back. I just knew, and as much as I felt FROZEN, my FREEDOM was conceived, and ELLE was born.
I encountered grief just like when my sweet little brother passed away( may his soul rest in peace ). DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, and ACCEPTANCE, then HEALING came. I can remember the day I woke up and felt a sense of SELF; Confidence, unapologetically ELLE, fierceness, style, discovery, nothing but ELLE. I did not give an F. I DON'T. I could take a nude shoot and feel like a Queen, carefree about what anyone said. I felt FREE AT LAST. When the time came to go through the test, I excelled and did not allow anybody to steal that peace of mine.
This mindset that we have to live a subtle life doing our best not to dress so well that it rubs off the next person or not speak our mind because, Oh my goodness, the lady who spends her entire year gossiping about you might not like that -it is so RAD. How less of a slave are you if you can't live your truth and be authentic? There is so much freedom in being authentic; if there is one bitch I don't fuck with, it's a fake bitch. These are the bitches that will fuck the married neighbor and act blameless, church-going bitches that walk around preaching to everyone but themselves, the ones who get nose jobs but crucify you for getting your boobs done, or the ones who smile and hug you but talk so much shit about you behind your back- we can usually feel it instinctively you know who all are fake AF but guess what we get smaller fueling them with the lost sense of self and pathetic ego is it ego or is it projected self-hate? The minute you stop caring about what people think then you start truly living. Be that version of yourself that is free, not frozen.