2 min read

LOVE

LOVE

I recently visited my sister and her family in San Antonio; the city where I found and lost love. I also got to see my father, my old father. I haven't seen or spoken to him in about 6years - the trauma, pain, violence, confusion, grief, and more kept me away from him. I stayed away, in reality, to protect myself from being hurt once again. I can acknowledge that I was never the favorite, I probably fought for his and my mom's attention amidst the screaming and favoritism- I was lost as a child sometimes I have to force myself not to get lost all over again. After my divorce, I remember thinking it was a new year and I am ready to reconnect with long-lost relations perhaps because I once again felt lost or maybe just because I was searching for answers and a much deeper understanding of who I am. WHO TF was I without a father figure, a present loving mother, a younger brother(RIP David), and an older brother that I'd hear from maybe once a quarter - I had no idea. It made me want to cling to my sister so desperately, sometimes I feel like she's been the one family member who hasn't fleed but the Love factor made me redefine myself and my relationship with all these beautiful people. We are what we are taught until we decide to reteach ourselves something new. My spirit nudged me to let go of the pain and just LOVE truly without questioning without Expectations, just LOVE. I then found myself feeling less tense and I can truly say that I let go it hurts to let go because I needed to hold onto the pain and anger to justify my Emptiness and my lack of self but I have healed and I AM WHOLE and that came with LOVE for SELF and for OTHERS. It now makes sense why God says just LOVE because I do LOVE YOU -It does not justify actions or negate boundaries but it frees us from self-destruction and we feel more connected; we vibrate at a higher frequency and that is where I am-it's beautiful.