Recently, I've been telling my mother that I don't feel inspired at work or in my pursuit to build myself up as a model, entrepreneur, and female actor. My inner self has felt significantly depleted; one day, I stayed in bed all day, unable to get up, feeling emotionally drained and depressed. I struggled to pinpoint the source of this feeling, especially since I hadn't felt this way in a while. I guess I thought things would be more exciting in Texas, that I'd be more motivated to unveil my creativity, and that the fashion industry in Austin was precisely the kick I needed -was I wrong? Should I relocate to somewhere more inspiring where creativity is in the air? I talked to my best friend about it as we shared the difficulty this season. She gets my frustration as a single mother, and she softly reminded me of how much we juggle and how hard we work ALONE like it is YOU and nobody else -as a single parent, you can't afford to take the wrong steps, lose a paycheck, or stay in a depressive state. It can be a lot.
My intuition, a vital source of how GOD uses the universe to communicate with me, has been all over the place lately. And then it clicked: I was not done defining my end goal - a fitness mentor put it in a way that made so much sense -he said, ' a pilot without a clear destination ends up flying until they run out of gas and then crash, that's what not having a clearly defined end goal can do.' Freaking light bulb moment. What the heck exactly is my end goal? Do I believe in it? Is there a clear route to attain it? That way, when the exhaustion, burnout, and depression hits, I return to my end goal. It's like taking a quick sip of water and proceeding with life's race. I need a refined end goal with clear action steps. My soul has been trying to convey that to me in several ways.